A Crappy Dinner Party for Epiphany

Luminaries lined the sidewalk and lit the stairs, the chatter of women filled my dining room, and crushed red peppers and cinnamon scented the air. My dinner party had begun.

As I looked for ways to celebrate Christmas in different ways this year, I embraced the 12 Days of Christmas. The final moment for me was this dinner party, several days after the busyness of the season. I invited a mixed group of women to celebrate a holiday most of them were unfamiliar with.

 Have you read How to Throw a Crappy Dinner Party (on purpose)? I recommend it. You see, the "flaw" in my plan was that my dinner party was on January 6 (Epiphany) after a full day of work, I worked 2 jobs on January 7, and I flew to Hawaii early on January 8. I really wanted to have this party, though, so embracing the "Crappy Dinner Party" philosophy seemed like the way to go. The philosophy is that you don't do anything extra, you just have friends over. You don't dress fancy, you don't decorate, you don't do extra cleaning. You just open your home and enjoy people.

Here's the thing I love about a "crappy dinner party", it's about fellowship not performance. I have signs in my house reminding me that "Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful" and "Live by Grace not Perfection," but I forget.  I love having people in my home, I love setting the scene, I'm a theater girl after all. The thing is, this party wasn't about everyone thinking I was a great party planner or a great decorator. It was about changing my Christmas expectations and sharing something beautiful with my friends. And the "beautiful thing" wasn't something that I created, it already existed.

Did I get all the Christmas decorations put away?

No.

But they are all stashed away in the guest bedroom.

Did I do extra cleaning beforehand?
No.
But I did sweep up all of the pine needles from my Christmas tree and load the dishwasher.

Did I run around doing last minute preparations?
No.
But I did do some prep work during "nap time" earlier that day, making sure the symbolic elements were ready.

Did I stress over details?

Yes, a little..

But a little less angst every time.

Did everything go as planned?

No.

But with this group, I could laugh at my mistakes.

Things I forgot:

• Kale for the Zuppa Tuscana. It was prepped, ready to go, in the refrigerator. I didn't remember it until one of my friends said, "Have you ever tried this soup with kale." She felt bad for asking when I told her why I was laughing. But I truly love that something so obvious slipped through the cracks. Just so you know, Zuppa Tuscana is yummy without kale. Also, my Epiphany table had not one vegetable on it.

• Silverware. No, really, I forgot the silverware. I have a set of nice silverware that I use whenever I have people over (mostly, so I know that I'll have enough silverware for everyone), and I couldn't find it. Then I started talking about not finding it. Then more people arrived. Then I never circled back around to it. Until we were all at the table. I managed to scrounge up enough spoons to eat with, and we moved on with the evening.

I didn't buy special plate settings, but I am blessed to have inherited Mama's 12 Days of Christmas plates and Mommom's white and silver china. The hodgepodge look works in my gypsy home, so I mixed and matched some magi from different nativities and "lit" the battery candles.

The meal was simple - oranges (symbolic of the gold brought by the magi), soup & bread, Wassail to drink (served in teapots - with bourbon if you wanted to add some flair), and a traditional French King Cake from Veloute` (local KC french catering company, check them out).

I think it was a beautiful evening full of laughter, chatter and fellowship. It was an Epiphany Kuier (check here to see what I mean by that word), my favorite kind of event.

Some of my favorite parts...

My friend Krissy came! She is, admittedly, a picky eater. She'll tell you that herself. This is how the conversation went:

Krissy: "I'm going to come to your party."
Me: "Yay!"
Krissy: "Can I bring anything?"
Me: "I don't think so"
Krissy: "Like food for me."
Me: "Oh right. Yeah, you should do that."

She is always so much fun, I'm so glad that she didn't let food stand in her way.

Do you see her hat? I found traditional British crackers on sale at The New Dime Store in Brookside. Each one had a joke, a fact, a toy and a crown - perfect to acknowledge the journey of the magi.

I love that I found a way to use some of my teapots. Also, do you see the clove studded oranges that keep popping up in the pictures? Mama and I used to make these every year and it was a fun, relaxing thing to do while I watched movies. I made them to represent the journey the magi made, but they smell really good if you leave them in a bowl or boil them on the stove, like the gifts of frankinsense and myrhh.

But my very favorite thing was the conversation that flowed through the meal and afterwards. I sat in my chair and talked, and listened to other people talk and saw my friends laughing or leaning in to really listen. It was beautiful.

At one point in the meal I interrupted the conversation to say, "Hey guys, I've got nothing else after this. Feel free to leave whenever you need to." Then the conversation continued. At one point after the meal I pulled out my suitcase and began to pack for Hawaii, while the conversation continued. And finally I said, "Okay, you gotta go I have stuff to do."

That's the sign of a good time, kicking people out at the end. ;)

At Peace with Hospitality

Thanksgiving is coming and it begins the Christmas season. Smile when you read that, don't let yourself get overwhelmed. This is the time to love people, to embrace a peace beyond understanding. If you are someone who is opening your home for the holidays, be at peace. Remember that hospitality isn't about perfection, it's about humbly offering up a part of yourself and welcoming other people to partake. It's vulnerable, it's difficult, I know. I wrote about a perspective changing experience in this area here, if you want to read it.

My understanding of hospitality can be defined in three words, none of them English. For me, these are 3 of the words that answer the question of "What do I want to be/do when I grow up" for me.

Kuier

 

Kuier is an Afrikaans word that's direct translation is "to visit", but to the culture it has a deeper meaning. It means time spent chatting. It means being together and sharing in hospitality. It means to commune over food and drink. Sometimes it means to talk too late, eat until you're ready to bust and drink a little too much. It means all of these things because there is an inherent safety integral to kuier. It's time spent building history & engaging in relationship. Often, it's the way the networking happens in South Africa - naturally and organically, eating a lot of meat and sitting around the fire...or sitting on the river.

Ohana 

A Hawaiian word that many of us became familiar with in the Disney movie, Lilo & Stitch. "Ohana means no one gets left behind." I am so drawn to this larger concept of family - the family that we are born into, AND the family that we build, AND the family that we choose. My earliest memories revolve around all three of these types of family and I have spent much of my adult life searching for them again. I am working on an art piece to illustrate my understanding of this word and to remind me of the blessing Ohana is in my life.

The family I was born into, that I am connected to by blood and by adoption. They are a crew! My cousins make me smile just thinking of them. My aunts and uncle have helped me survive the most difficult years of my life, reminding me that I am strong. They know, because I share their DNA.


The family I built. Building a family is hard work! I am not a parent, so I don't know it in that way. But I know the work that goes into being available in those moments that you are distracted. Waking up to answer the phone when you are exhausted. Listening to stories that hurt your soul. Having to make the choice NOT to jump in and fix the problem. This part of my family is spread across continents and was and is being built in common goals, hilarious problem solving, and holding on to our faith by the skin of our teeth.

The family that I choose. This one holds pain as I acknowledge that this family is shattered, ended by divorce. But it would be foolish for me to erase the years of memories, laughter and joy. So, I embrace it as I weave the illustration.

Hygge

I have been delighted with this word since I first stumbled across it in a Facebook post from a friend. Because this friend's quirky nature always brings me joy, I looked deeper into it. I have found many definitions, but my favorite is "The Danish art of building a sanctuary of coziness, stirring the senses and enjoying the simple things in life."

Yes, that definitely speaks to me.

What picture does "sanctuary of coziness" spark in your mind? I'll admit, for me it brings Autumn. The smell of cider, an echo of smoke from burning leaves, a plethora of small blankets appearing in every room of my house come to mind as I imagine my sanctuary. Don't you want to come over and enjoy a cup of tea with me? You're welcome. We can sit next to each other, chat and enjoy our senses being stirred by the simple things in life. Just be prepared, my rug may need vacuumed, there may be dishes in the sink. I am far from a perfect housekeeper. You, however, are most welcome to enter into it all with me.

~Karlie