At Peace with Hospitality

Thanksgiving is coming and it begins the Christmas season. Smile when you read that, don't let yourself get overwhelmed. This is the time to love people, to embrace a peace beyond understanding. If you are someone who is opening your home for the holidays, be at peace. Remember that hospitality isn't about perfection, it's about humbly offering up a part of yourself and welcoming other people to partake. It's vulnerable, it's difficult, I know. I wrote about a perspective changing experience in this area here, if you want to read it.

My understanding of hospitality can be defined in three words, none of them English. For me, these are 3 of the words that answer the question of "What do I want to be/do when I grow up" for me.

Kuier

 

Kuier is an Afrikaans word that's direct translation is "to visit", but to the culture it has a deeper meaning. It means time spent chatting. It means being together and sharing in hospitality. It means to commune over food and drink. Sometimes it means to talk too late, eat until you're ready to bust and drink a little too much. It means all of these things because there is an inherent safety integral to kuier. It's time spent building history & engaging in relationship. Often, it's the way the networking happens in South Africa - naturally and organically, eating a lot of meat and sitting around the fire...or sitting on the river.

Ohana 

A Hawaiian word that many of us became familiar with in the Disney movie, Lilo & Stitch. "Ohana means no one gets left behind." I am so drawn to this larger concept of family - the family that we are born into, AND the family that we build, AND the family that we choose. My earliest memories revolve around all three of these types of family and I have spent much of my adult life searching for them again. I am working on an art piece to illustrate my understanding of this word and to remind me of the blessing Ohana is in my life.

The family I was born into, that I am connected to by blood and by adoption. They are a crew! My cousins make me smile just thinking of them. My aunts and uncle have helped me survive the most difficult years of my life, reminding me that I am strong. They know, because I share their DNA.


The family I built. Building a family is hard work! I am not a parent, so I don't know it in that way. But I know the work that goes into being available in those moments that you are distracted. Waking up to answer the phone when you are exhausted. Listening to stories that hurt your soul. Having to make the choice NOT to jump in and fix the problem. This part of my family is spread across continents and was and is being built in common goals, hilarious problem solving, and holding on to our faith by the skin of our teeth.

The family that I choose. This one holds pain as I acknowledge that this family is shattered, ended by divorce. But it would be foolish for me to erase the years of memories, laughter and joy. So, I embrace it as I weave the illustration.

Hygge

I have been delighted with this word since I first stumbled across it in a Facebook post from a friend. Because this friend's quirky nature always brings me joy, I looked deeper into it. I have found many definitions, but my favorite is "The Danish art of building a sanctuary of coziness, stirring the senses and enjoying the simple things in life."

Yes, that definitely speaks to me.

What picture does "sanctuary of coziness" spark in your mind? I'll admit, for me it brings Autumn. The smell of cider, an echo of smoke from burning leaves, a plethora of small blankets appearing in every room of my house come to mind as I imagine my sanctuary. Don't you want to come over and enjoy a cup of tea with me? You're welcome. We can sit next to each other, chat and enjoy our senses being stirred by the simple things in life. Just be prepared, my rug may need vacuumed, there may be dishes in the sink. I am far from a perfect housekeeper. You, however, are most welcome to enter into it all with me.

~Karlie

How to host an IMperfect tea party

I am a girl who loves tea and loves a party.  So, obviously, I adore Tea Parties.

Here's the thing, though, I have a basic disbelief in PERFECT in this life.  So, all of these articles and posts about hosting the "perfect tea party" don't really ring my bell.  They have some great ideas, some really fun ideas, but a hostess that is stressing over perfection is never my idea of a good time.  Especially if I am that hostess.

My umbrella rule is streamline the non essentials and have fun with the essentials.

#1. Dress code is up to you, or better yet, up to your guests!  People are more fun when they are comfortable, and each of us has a "dress" that we are most comfortable in.  My friend Sasha (check out her amazing photos on her Facebook page, Natural Portraits) loves living her life in jeans and a T shirt and doesn't feel anything is REALLY worth a different clothing option.  Me, I love a costume and my mood dictates my wardrobe.  Neither of us care what YOU are wearing, though.

This video from Harney and Sons is a great one for the diversity of the Tea Table.

#2. Teaware with a story instead of the "perfect set."  I have 27 teapots, and only a few of them are accompanied by sugar, creamers and more than 2 tea cups and saucers.  I love setting out a selection of mismatched teacups and allowing everyone to choose the cup they will drink from.  Delicate china cups with handles sit next to sturdy pottery Japanese style cups, and each of them calls to a different character in my tribe.  I love that.  (I also love that I don't have to worry about labeling the cups because they are all different.)

My "designed for me" shelf from Tyler at Dovetails & Tenons

#3.  Before I talk about decorations, it is important you know that I am, at heart, a theater person.  I love staging and setting the atmosphere, and I am very good at it.  For 17 years my identity was wrapped up in being one of the best at it.  So, by all means, decorate for your party.  But, please, don't stress over that process, and by all that is holy don't go broke for it!

You want your decorations to help you set the mood, so there is no one answer for what is best.  However, 1 or 2 focal pieces can really set it up for you.

This is the centerpiece for a Murder on the Orient Express Tea for my book club.  Just a few pieces from the book really set the scene.

One thing that helps me with my Hodge Podge approach to Teaware is having a simple "canvas" to lay it all out on, unifying place mats...I think we'll save the details of decorating for another post.  I could easily run down the rabbit hole talking about this one ;). Let's just say that a solid tablecloth and simple place mats allow your teaware to shine.

#4.  Food can be simple, themed,

My homemade CranApple pie, rustic and delicious.

fancy or potluck.

Delicious Rhubarb Cake from Cafe Europa, their bakery menu is a win every time.

However YOU want to do it.  I will say, for me, I prefer not to do potluck at a tea party.  I prefer to have things arranged, out of sight, and as plated as possible before people begin arriving.  It helps with the "not stressed" hostess thing.

This trio of desserts was served at Tea Market's Spring Afternoon Tea, everything is plated and ready to be delivered when the tea is served.

#5.  Tea.

A delicious shop blend from Tea Market, Shalimar marries a darkly oxidized oolong with berries, citrus and other fruit.

Honestly, I'm prejudiced here (I also think I'm right ;).  Spend the time to find good, quality tea.  Engage with the people in your local tea shop.  Dip your toe into the world of loose leaf tea, it's a delicious journey.

My pro tip is to have the dry tea leaves portioned out and sitting beside the tea pot(s) you are going to brew before the party begins AND to have an electric kettle for heating the water.  They are so fast!

The general rule for amount of tea is at least 4 cups of tea for each guest.  If you make too much, no stress, you'll have DELICIOUS iced tea later.

Just a quick note, as you are "dipping your toe" into the loose leaf tea world remember that good quality tea makes good, quality ICED tea too.

To sum up, remember that a tea party is a moment to enjoy your guests and the Party is the excuse for it.  It isn't about all of the picture perfect moments, or even delicious tea.  It is about taking time in life for a "purposeful pause" and sharing it with people you enjoy.

be fruitful,
Karlie

good byes and Valentine's Day

I find it hard to sit down and write about what's going on in my life.  That is probably not a surprise to you, considering how sporadic my posts are.  Sometimes, it feels like too much is going on; or not enough; or stuff that I'm just not interested in sending out into the anonymous world of blog posts.  But, the thing is, I am more accountable when I am writing these posts...Editor's note: I started THIS blog at least 2 years ago!

I recently (at least 2 years ago) attended the graduation of a young lady that I hold very dear.  I have watched her grow from a precious, adorable baby.  She stole my heart when she was mere months old... and broke it several times with baby fits and cries of "Don't want it!" when I wanted to hug her.  She would crawl into my bed to cuddle - much more pleasant than an alarm clock. For a couple of months out of every year, I was part of her household; and ALWAYS I was a part of her family.

She graduated.  She is taller than me (and has been for several years), she has plans to join a world that I have no experience in.  Sometimes I wonder how or if I will remain in her life.  We live hours apart and the easy rapport we shared when she was little has definitely changed. It makes me a little sad.

But then, goodbyes of any kind make me sad.  Seriously, my husband can usually tell if a movie had a goodbye in it just by looking at how many Kleenex I've used.  I dread goodbyes, and sometimes I live a life of avoidance hoping to never have to say... well, you know.

Last week was my Mama's birthday, the second year we celebrated it without her.  This good-bye seems never ending, I am constantly remembering that she is not there to be excited with me about something...or to ask me to be excited with her.

The fact that her birthday is so close to Valentine's Day is...difficult.  My mother's biggest legacy in my life, the life of her "tribe", is love.  Her only goal in raising my brother and I was that we would know that we are loved.  For me, she was a living example of what Valentine's Day is about...a celebration of love, a chance to show our people that love.

This year, I want to tell you you are loved.  I am thankful for you.  I treasure the path that you've walked with me.  I hope I do this individually.  If/when I fail, this post (the first in AT LEAST 2 years) is going out into the cosmos to bless someone.

Love,
Karlie

Forty Years

Last Friday was my birthday. Now, I'll state right up front that I love my birthday - a lot.  I am shameless in the appreciation of a day spent celebrating that I'm alive.  I always feel a little bad for people who dread their birthdays and the passage of time.

I had that struggle the year I turned 25.  By that age my Mama had had both of her children.  At 25 I was single, had been for over 7 years, and no love interest in sight.  I was thinking, "What am I doing?"  Then I looked around me. I spent my 25th birthday in Seoul, Korea. I spent that year experiencing several different cultures, learning to be polite in 3 languages, and embracing quiet moments with Jesus.  It was a beautiful, and painful year.  And that was the year I decided not to dread the passing of another year, but to revel in the celebration of it.

Like every discipline, I have to reestablish it from time to time.

This year, my husband was out of town.  He didn't want to be out of town.  But he was.  So, from 18 hours away he orchestrated a GREAT birthday present.  Many of you were a part of it.  Thank you.

I love dancing - of all kinds.  On the week leading up to my birthday friends and family posted dance videos to my Facebook Timeline. So, I woke up on my birthday and checked Facebook for the first time in a week, and got to watch people I love dance, to remember some inside jokes, and be amazed.

That was the first step in the revelry... and it made the rest of the day so much easier.  In a very true sense, I was not alone all day - even for the few hours that day when I was by myself.

 So, please, enjoy a few of these with me.

 

My friends Amy and Jadin choreographed and performed this for my birthday.

 

This one never fails to make me laugh, I love his transitions!

 

 

A classic, and the way I like to spend rainy days.

 

 

Words just can't express...

 

 

But for my very favorite you'll need to go to my Facebook.  My Mama won the day.  Just the chance to have on video the true freedom of who she is... and dancing to one of my favorite songs.  Twisted by Joni Mitchell!

 

Thanks everyone. I had a great day, it ended with Carrieann (who lives 1/2 the country away) knocking on the door that night to surprise me.  I screamed.  Multiple times.  We didn't stop talking for 2 days.  So much life to celebrate!

 

KTV

 

 

Progress

Oh boy!  I started the year out with the intention to blog every week... my last blog was in January.  It is now the last week in March.  Sigh.  No, not sigh, PROGRESS.

I am participating in a group study, going through Lisa Terkeurst's book "UNGLUED".  She talks a lot about "imperfect progress", and I am trying to grab hold of that idea.  The Lord truly knows (and so do I) that I AM imperfect, I am trying to hold on to the truth that stepping toward my goals and not meeting them is progress.

So, in the spirit of that, I am going to share a quilt I finished in February.  Then I'm going to do something that is difficult for me, I'm going to share the story of that quilt.

I started this quilt 10 years ago.  I completed 3 others before finishing this one.

For obvious reasons, the pattern is called "Starry Night".  I think the variety of stars is so much fun to look at!

This star is a nod to the joy and fulfilment I found in being a stage manager, I still miss that part of my life.

I'm very excited to have finished this project, as I said it's taken me just under 10 years.  The "why" is a difficult story for me to share.

When Andy and I went to South Africa, we went fully expecting to get pregnant during our time there.  This quilt began as my "Prayer Quilt" for our baby.  Africa was a difficult and rich time in my life. I accomplished things I never would have considered possible, I created intricate sets and staging out of nothing, made lifelong friends, experienced cultures some people have never heard of... and we did not get pregnant.

I finished hand piecing the top of the quilt 6 years ago in South Africa... and folded it away.  I was beginning to feel helpless and hopeless in this particular journey and I couldn't hold the quilt in my lap and work on it without having those feelings rise up in me.

It stayed folded away until January of this year.  I brought it out and finished it.  I am still not pregnant, and some days that seems even further away than it did when I folded my work away in South Africa.

However, I am no longer accepting "helpless and hopeless" in my life.  I am far from helpless. I am a capacitous, creative, loving woman with a deep abiding joy in Jesus that is my strength.  I am not hopeless, I am growing in hope. 

So, I don't know where this journey will end, but I am digging for my joy and my hope every day... kind of like getting a garden ready for Spring. 

To that end, I put the quilt up in our bedroom.  It's a baby quilt so it fits perfectly on my red bench.

 And I see it every morning when I wake up... and I smile.

 

Joy and Hope!

 

Karlie