A Crappy Dinner Party for Epiphany

Luminaries lined the sidewalk and lit the stairs, the chatter of women filled my dining room, and crushed red peppers and cinnamon scented the air. My dinner party had begun.

As I looked for ways to celebrate Christmas in different ways this year, I embraced the 12 Days of Christmas. The final moment for me was this dinner party, several days after the busyness of the season. I invited a mixed group of women to celebrate a holiday most of them were unfamiliar with.

 Have you read How to Throw a Crappy Dinner Party (on purpose)? I recommend it. You see, the "flaw" in my plan was that my dinner party was on January 6 (Epiphany) after a full day of work, I worked 2 jobs on January 7, and I flew to Hawaii early on January 8. I really wanted to have this party, though, so embracing the "Crappy Dinner Party" philosophy seemed like the way to go. The philosophy is that you don't do anything extra, you just have friends over. You don't dress fancy, you don't decorate, you don't do extra cleaning. You just open your home and enjoy people.

Here's the thing I love about a "crappy dinner party", it's about fellowship not performance. I have signs in my house reminding me that "Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful" and "Live by Grace not Perfection," but I forget.  I love having people in my home, I love setting the scene, I'm a theater girl after all. The thing is, this party wasn't about everyone thinking I was a great party planner or a great decorator. It was about changing my Christmas expectations and sharing something beautiful with my friends. And the "beautiful thing" wasn't something that I created, it already existed.

Did I get all the Christmas decorations put away?

No.

But they are all stashed away in the guest bedroom.

Did I do extra cleaning beforehand?
No.
But I did sweep up all of the pine needles from my Christmas tree and load the dishwasher.

Did I run around doing last minute preparations?
No.
But I did do some prep work during "nap time" earlier that day, making sure the symbolic elements were ready.

Did I stress over details?

Yes, a little..

But a little less angst every time.

Did everything go as planned?

No.

But with this group, I could laugh at my mistakes.

Things I forgot:

• Kale for the Zuppa Tuscana. It was prepped, ready to go, in the refrigerator. I didn't remember it until one of my friends said, "Have you ever tried this soup with kale." She felt bad for asking when I told her why I was laughing. But I truly love that something so obvious slipped through the cracks. Just so you know, Zuppa Tuscana is yummy without kale. Also, my Epiphany table had not one vegetable on it.

• Silverware. No, really, I forgot the silverware. I have a set of nice silverware that I use whenever I have people over (mostly, so I know that I'll have enough silverware for everyone), and I couldn't find it. Then I started talking about not finding it. Then more people arrived. Then I never circled back around to it. Until we were all at the table. I managed to scrounge up enough spoons to eat with, and we moved on with the evening.

I didn't buy special plate settings, but I am blessed to have inherited Mama's 12 Days of Christmas plates and Mommom's white and silver china. The hodgepodge look works in my gypsy home, so I mixed and matched some magi from different nativities and "lit" the battery candles.

The meal was simple - oranges (symbolic of the gold brought by the magi), soup & bread, Wassail to drink (served in teapots - with bourbon if you wanted to add some flair), and a traditional French King Cake from Veloute` (local KC french catering company, check them out).

I think it was a beautiful evening full of laughter, chatter and fellowship. It was an Epiphany Kuier (check here to see what I mean by that word), my favorite kind of event.

Some of my favorite parts...

My friend Krissy came! She is, admittedly, a picky eater. She'll tell you that herself. This is how the conversation went:

Krissy: "I'm going to come to your party."
Me: "Yay!"
Krissy: "Can I bring anything?"
Me: "I don't think so"
Krissy: "Like food for me."
Me: "Oh right. Yeah, you should do that."

She is always so much fun, I'm so glad that she didn't let food stand in her way.

Do you see her hat? I found traditional British crackers on sale at The New Dime Store in Brookside. Each one had a joke, a fact, a toy and a crown - perfect to acknowledge the journey of the magi.

I love that I found a way to use some of my teapots. Also, do you see the clove studded oranges that keep popping up in the pictures? Mama and I used to make these every year and it was a fun, relaxing thing to do while I watched movies. I made them to represent the journey the magi made, but they smell really good if you leave them in a bowl or boil them on the stove, like the gifts of frankinsense and myrhh.

But my very favorite thing was the conversation that flowed through the meal and afterwards. I sat in my chair and talked, and listened to other people talk and saw my friends laughing or leaning in to really listen. It was beautiful.

At one point in the meal I interrupted the conversation to say, "Hey guys, I've got nothing else after this. Feel free to leave whenever you need to." Then the conversation continued. At one point after the meal I pulled out my suitcase and began to pack for Hawaii, while the conversation continued. And finally I said, "Okay, you gotta go I have stuff to do."

That's the sign of a good time, kicking people out at the end. ;)

The 12 Day experiment

I'm walking through this 12 Days of Christmas with a light touch, few expectations and an air of experimentation. Also, with determination to acknowledge all those little, beautiful things.

I traveled. Isn't that the perfect way to celebrate Epiphany? I would love to tell you that it was meaningfully thought out and purposefully executed, but that would be a lie. By happy accident, my work schedule had a chunk of time missing that was exactly right for me to hop in my car and make the drive to my family. I'll tell you though, I plan to do it again. Every time I see that sign that says, "Ellsinore 17" I get excited. Just about a 1/4 hour until I hug my Aunt and Uncle. And, technically I made 2 trips, because coming home is also a beautiful thing. Imagine the Magi seeing their home towns after tricking Herod and making it out of Israel without putting the Messiah in danger.

I did purposefully take down some of my Christmas decorations on New Year's Day. It was a slow, lazy day for me. I put on some movies and gathered things together at a leisurely pace. So leisurely, in fact, that much of it is still in piles in my dining room. My poor roommate, she accomplished the same thing in one day (including the dusting and vacuuming). Don't worry, I feel no shame. It's new for me to leave some of the things out, and I did another round of Marie Kondo-ing with the Christmas tree decorations as I put them away. I'm ok with this new pace.

Also, I embraced candlelight. In my early 20's I developed a bad reaction to candles (their scent, their smoke) and I haven't been able to burn them in my home. I was thinking how much I was going to miss the lights of my Christmas tree and how much I missed candlelight soaks in the bath. And I heard a little voice (it sounded a lot like my Aunt Robbie) telling me to stop being so silly. So, I took some of my Christmas money to the after Christmas sales (another benefit of celebrating the 12 days "after" Christmas) and stocked up on battery operated candles and batteries. I love coming from work to my home and "lighting" the candles. Yes to atmosphere and no to headaches and itchy eyes.

So, Santas are away, the tree is out on the curb. Nativities from around the world are still out and sharing space with all of the lovely candles. It's beginning to look like Epiphany (once I get those stacks packed away).

Finally, people are coming to my house to share a meal. Shauna Niequest has written a book (she's written several) that really expresses how important sharing a meal with people is. It's called Bread and Wine, and I found the collection of essays really heart awakening. Sharing food can  happen anywhere, it really can. For me, though, there is something very special about preparing food (be it ever so simple) for people I care about and welcoming them into my living space. So, I'm very excited about ending my Christmas celebration this year with a gathering of women around my table. I'm not stressing, things are going to be simple. The magis gifts were expensive and symbolic. My offering is simple and meaningful.

Travel, candlelight and fellowship, sounds like a beautiful new tradition doesn't it?

Karlie

The 12 Days of Christmas

Christmas is a magical and intensely lonely time. That's been my experience these last several years. Last year, newly divorced and still grieving the absence of my magical Mama in this season, I chose to go away. It was the right choice. I visited my Daddy in New Hampshire and had a whole slew of new experiences, including taking a walk on the beach on Christmas Day.

This year, my work schedule required me to be at home for most of the holidays. Although I didn't view that prospect with the same dread that I had last year, it was still daunting. My home, my life, my friends are all rich with Christmas traditions shared with 2 large personalities. How was I going to manage?

As I sorted through ornaments to put on my lovely White Fir Christmas Tree (my favorite kind because it doesn't poke as much) I realized that not every ornament was special. In fact, not every ornament was even to my liking. So, I started to sort through them. As I sorted, I asked myself "Do I like this ornament? Why do I have it? Will I miss it?" Those that I knew I wouldn't miss will be popping up in Thrift Stores near me next Christmas.

It's like I was Marie Kondo-ing my Christmas tree...

Which made me think about all of the Christmas traditions swirling around in my head, waiting for me to make the time for them. I wasn't feeling most of them. I decorated my home, because what former Stage Manager doesn't love setting the scene. I made Wassail all season long. I made Pecan Tarts for a few lucky people. And that's about it. I had done most of my holiday shopping in the end of season sales right before I left Juneau in September, and I didn't even spend much time wrapping this year.

Instead, I watched some Christmas movies (although fewer than last year) and listened to a lot of Christmas music. On Christmas morning I went to work and shared in the Christmas morning of several guests. After work I drove six hours to visit my family in SE Missouri and arrived to game night. In case you were wondering, my team lost huge in Pictionary and won large in Guesstures.

And this is where I come to my new Christmas perspective. I've always been touched by the celebration of Epiphany in Liturgical churches.I think that it is so fitting to set aside time to acknowledge the part of the Nativity story when we Gentiles enter. As a theater girl, I love how God sets the stage for our salvation - he is so thorough! I could go on and on about the lineage of Christ and how flawed, how human it is. But let's just focus on the fact that wise men of far flung cultures had studied the Hebrew scriptures and knew that a STAR was announcing the birth of the Messiah.

And then, they followed it! That's not the same as me driving down to family for Christmas Day, a quick 6 hour trip to a well known and well loved destination. They loaded up their camels, gathered their entourage, financed expensive gifts and followed a star to an UN-known place, people and situation.

And I love that the 12 days of Christmas, the actual days not the song, begins on Christmas Day with joy and ends on Epiphany with the manifestation of the Christ Child's Divinity. Because that's what Epiphany is, "A manifestation of a divine or supernatural being, The manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1-12)"

That is SO worth celebrating! And that is a tradition I decided to start this year, celebrating the 12 Days of Christmas. I'm coloring outside the lines and doing things my way. Paper bag luminaries are beginning to show up outside my house, a slew of battery operated candles decorate my mantle. I've taken down the Santas and left up the nativities. I've invited a group of women for an Epiphany Dinner Party and pre-ordered a traditional French King Cake from Veloute`(you should check them out, they're amazing).

I've got more to say about it all, but we are only 2/3 of the way through Epiphany. I'll save some for later! Until then,

Be Fruitful (YOUR way),
Karlie

Peace, WAY beyond understanding

This week is Christmas! The temptation is to set a frantic pace for these last few days, cram the last minute...well, everything, in.

The Prince of Peace, God is Peace, gives us a Peace that passes understanding. It certainly IS beyond understanding. How can we access peace when there are still presents to be bought, spaces to be decorated, services to be planned?!

I have to tell you, I don't know the answer to how. 

What I do know is that this peace is part of our heritage and we have to stand in faith, in hope. We prepare our hearts, we sing with joy and we trust that whatever remains undone will not keep Christmas from coming. Take a few moments to breathe, to enjoy and to believe that peace IS accessible to us - whatever our schedules may try to tell us.

The love of our God was made tangible in the baby that is our Savior. This is what we stand in.

Merry Christmas

Karlie

Sadness in the season of Joy

This time of year can be tricky. The very presence of celebration and tradition can trigger loneliness and can seem to highlight the empty places in our lives. I know. This morning I cried my way through carols as I sang with friends that I love. I was overwhelmed by sadness that hit out of nowhere. I couldn't honestly tell you that I have shaken that sadness off. But I will tell you that the family I have built helps me to breathe in the presence of that sadness. The hug of a friend, the assurance of a family member that it is okay to be sad, the little girl (not SO little anymore) who is always so glad to see me, all of these things are links in a chain that is my life preserver right now.

In our Advent Calendar, we are focusing on God as Abba or Father. Each day we are invited to do things that focus on our family, the one we are born into and the ones that we have built. In spending time together doing simple things we build memories. Those memories reap rewards down the road, and not only in your life.

This morning a friend of mine was talking about how much she loves her memories of playing cards with her grandma. Those little moments of watching her grandma hold cards with her special card holder, of the time spent together, live on in the time that my friend spends with her own children.

So take little moments this week to embrace the messy people, the silly ones, the blessed ones that are always late, even the Grinches in your life. Embrace them and acknowledge how your life is better because of them.

~Karlie